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Video Poker
Dear Mark,
You mentioned that the odds are 40,000 to one of getting a royal flush when playing video poker. I also understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean that I will hit one if I were to play 40,000 hands. But, if I were play those 40,000 hands and get one, how much would it cost me? Joe H.
A whole lot of time, $250, and an expanded waistline. Here’s the breakdown.
If you’re the average Joe, that’s you, you’re going to be playing about 350 hands per hour, give or take. At 350 hands per hour it will take you just over 114 hours to play 40,000 hands. If you were to play two, two-hour sessions per day, with a buffet in between, it will take you 28.5 days.
Okay, Joe, on your mark, get set...
...now that we have those 40,000 hands out of the way, and you have increased your girth by two inches, you should have lost $250. Here’s the arithmetic.
Playing the maximum coin amount on a quarter machine will cost you $1.25 per hand. Multiply that by 40,000 hands and you will have cycled $50,000 through the machine. (Tip one: You might as well get credit for all those quarters you’re inserting, so make sure you’re using your Player’s Club Card to get credit for those 40,000 hands. “Comp yourself” those trips to the chow line.)
If you were to play perfect basic strategy on a full-pay 9/6 jacks or better machine, and hit the royal in 40,000 hands, you should achieve a return of 99.5%. Multiply $50,000 by .05 percent, and you should lose, in theory, $250. The feeding frenzy using your Player’s Club Card should be free.
Tip two: Check out weightwatchers.com. Their point system works. I know!
Dear Mark,
For a low-roller like myself who enjoys video poker, which is better, playing five nickels on a nickel machine, or one quarter on a quarter machine? (P.S. The paytables are surprisingly the same.) Marcy S.
With similar paytables, Marcy, you will want to stick with the lower denomination nickel machine. Here’s why.
If you hit a royal flush on a nickel machine playing five coins you will win $200. Compare that to hitting a royal flush on a quarter machine with one coin where your payout is typically $67.50.
You are involving the same risk, one quarter, but a difference of $132.50 between the two machines when it comes to payoff for hitting the royal.
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NFL
Steve Johnson, Gambling Newsletter
As the NFL season creeps towards the midway mark, people and bettors alike will notice that a couple of teams aren’t performing up to par.
One team that has really dropped the ball, in more than one sense, is the Miami Dolphins. With newly acquired Daunte Culpepper at QB and super coordinators, Dom Capers (defense) and Mike Mularkey (offense), they were a preseason favorite by many to unseat the Patriots as AFC East champs.
Alas, the Fish have a horrendous 1-6 record and have yet to cash in for their supporters, sporting an equally unimpressive 0-7 record against the spread.
What would Ace Ventura and snowflake think?
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